I’d like to know who makes smooth transitions into the next phase of their life, because I certainly do not. I never have. My history runs long and deep of tumultuous transitions. Tears accompanied every change I have ever made – whether it was moving to a new town in in middle school, going to college, being a teacher for the first time, moving to Italy, getting married, moving to DC, or now moving back to NYC – I become an emotional wreck.
While I am a sensitive and emotional being, I also consider myself to be relatively grounded. But when one phase of my life begins to fade away and another is ready to take its place I melt down, I fumble, I cry. Now this isn’t because I don’t want to embrace whatever is coming next, I just freak out because it feels overwhelming, uncertain, and unclear.
The rest of my world can feel this shaky energy too, since everything has been breaking down around me: the car, my bike, and schedule mishaps – you name it. My outer world reflects the inner world of my mind– so instead of doing less yoga because I am so busy packing and running around (which is what has happened) I actually have to do more. My next week will be filled to the brim with as many downward dogs and warriors that I can squeeze in.
Don’t get me wrong, my goal isn’t to eliminate tears, because I think it is healthy to let those lips tremble and tears flow freely every once in a while. That is my current expression of letting go and processing one stage of my life in order to make room for the next one. However, I’d just like to keep the melt downs to a minimum, and I am sure my husband would agree, and celebrate what is to come. One more week and one day until I am on my way to back to NYC!
leahannefox 
Miss Leah – you are so beautiful, one reason because of your ability to tenderly connect with these transitions! Welcome, with open arms, the experience of riding the waves of transition, and all that comes with it – you’re experiencing your full humanity! I know you know this…I just want to remind you to not become hard on yourself when you feel the tough, uncomfortable, uncertain stuff come on…and just be with it. Hearing ’emotional wreck’ makes me think something needs a-fixin’, and I think maybe that’s where the tension in your experiences comes from. Take care of yourself and welcome it all in! I can’t wait to have you here in Brooklyn. 🙂
Thanks for your insight Ellen! You are so right and oh so wise. A ball of emotions would be a better way to describe this roller coaster ride of highs and lows. Until we meet in BK I will be embracing it all, and taking one step at a time.