I had the distinct pleasure of spending these past two Saturdays celebrating with a whole crew of family of friends. The days were full of talking, laughing, eating, pondering, drinking, introducing old friends to new friends and connecting.
When the day was over I picked up my phone and opened back into the world of Instagram & Facebook. I usually use these apps as a primary form of connecting with others but after connecting with real people, this felt secondary and I didn’t seem to care the way I usually do.
Yet on a day to day basis that is the thing I do constantly, checking in with people’s updates – often with the intention of wanting to feel connected, but more often than not – feeling disconnected, not good enough, interesting enough, clever enough, successful enough, etc – and feeling like I never will be. I compare, and I let my value be determined by the amounts of likes or comments I get. Like if you can relate! 😉
I login in an attempt to connect, but also to disengage, distract, and fill up any empty spaces. But I’m starting to wonder what would happen if I allowed moments of nothing – waiting & transitional times – to get notifications and messages from myself, instead of the online world. These internal messages will ultimately guide me in my life, rather than thinking I should follow all this other input that I see.
My quality of life is very rarely drastically enhanced after scrolling through the feeds. And yet, these platforms can be so useful and have transformed the way information is shared. There is so much good, my habits recently just haven’t been so good.
I think if I set guidelines around how and when I engage – and ensuring mindfulness backs up my intake, I may have a different experience. The thing is I always try this, until one day I wake up tired and scroll through the internet before I leave for work. It’s all a process, let’s see.
Today I have made it until 5:00 pm without looking at my personal email, Facebook, & Instagram – and I am able to hear more from me.
leahannefox 