Letting A Number Determine My Self Worth

15 Apr

I haven’t owned a scale until recently.  I loved having no idea what I weighed.   It was liberating.  But for whatever reason I decided to buy one.

All of a sudden I found myself stepping onto the scale every morning before I got into the shower. I didn’t realize how toxic this ritual was as I began to let the numbers on the scale dictate the way I felt about my body and ultimately my value.  If it was a low number I felt like a million bucks, but if it was higher than I wanted to be I felt awful about myself.

I took a break.  I was tired of letting a number hold so much weight in my heart.  Instead of tuning into a number I started to check in with how I was feeling in my body.  And lately I have been feeling fantastic.  I have been running more regularly, doing yoga, eating lots of fresh veggies, drinking green juice almost daily, and have found myself craving less chocolate.

changing my perspective So today as I got into the shower – the scale seduced me to step on it again.  I did.  And I did not like the number I saw.  I immediately began to listen to the mean self talk that started stirring in my mind – trying to figure out what I needed to cut out or deprive myself of.  What I was doing wrong.  Why I was failing.  That dialogue lasted for a few minutes.  Until I realized – I feel great, I am taking good care of my body.  Where did this obsession come from of having my beauty and worth be tied to a slender number.  Isn’t the most important thing to feel vibrant and alive?

photo-33So the scale didn’t win today.  I’m learning.

6 Responses to “Letting A Number Determine My Self Worth”

  1. meetmeattheboutique April 15, 2013 at 1:17 am #

    I can totally relate to this!

  2. Sam April 15, 2013 at 1:33 am #

    I stopped weighing myself two years ago and it was was the best decision of my life. I am a runner, and I would run like 10 miles and feel great about my body and how strong it was, then I would step on the scale and instantly that confidence was down the drain. It’s so silly that we are taught that a number holds so much power over us. It doesn’t matter! It’s just a dumb number! Nice post. 🙂

    • leahannefox April 15, 2013 at 1:17 pm #

      Thanks Sam! Glad to hear I’m not alone – especially with the runners out there. Thanks for sharing your experience.

  3. Brian Fox April 15, 2013 at 1:49 am #

    so proud of you. oh and by the way, you said you have been running more and eating less calories. i believe you know that muscle weighs more than fatso if you are gaining muscle in your legs from the running or in your core from the yoga, it might throw the number way up, even if you feel it should be way down. don’t you worry about you, you look great, and you don’t want Aaron to feel like he has competition. lol, Love u Leah,
    cousin brian

    • leahannefox April 15, 2013 at 1:16 pm #

      good points Brian! Thanks for reading and thanks for your thoughts. Lots of love.

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